Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Alive again.

For the first time in a while now, I don't feel like I'm about to die. I mean, I'm in A LOT of pain. I'm missing a chunk of mouth -- two teeth, some skin/gums -- and I've got stitches. But the way I feel now compared to how I felt before.. It's already a little better. I felt like I was seriously dying before, because the infection was so bad and spreading. It was like the antibiotics just couldn't make it stop. I had fevers, pain, blood and dying tissue. I was dehydrated and my muscles ached. It really started to scare me when I got a neverending headache, felt physically weaker than usual, saw some of the black dying skin spreading, and started to have stomach pains.
I really thought there was nothing I could do to stop myself from dying.
Then yesterday was procedure two, of course. It was horrible, and like I said, I've got a hole in my mouth, and I felt horrible all day yesterday. But they got fluids and food in me, painkillers, and antibiotics. I slept off and on all day. Held gauze in my mouth whenever I was awake because of the bleeding.
Yet, today it's totally worth it. I feel just a little better, which is a miracle to me since I hadn't done anything but get progressively worse. I have a little energy, I can eat soft stuff, my headache is gone, and my fever broke. I can feel it, I'm gonna get better.
And one more procedure next tuesday, plus removing my stitches, and I'll be all set. I can heal, get all better, and move on with my life.
I'm ready to get back on track -- back to losing weight the healthy way (versus this whole, you know, refusing to eat thing), back to writing like a mad woman and pursuing that dream of mine, back to seeing my friends and letting them know just how much they really mean to me--

And definitely, I'm ready to be back to living.


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